Life isn't easy

I think the title of this post says it all.  I know that no one said it was going to be easy, but I would like to have a month or two where everything would go right and there wouldn't be anything to worry about.  Around here there never seems to be a shortage of things that either go wrong or cause worrisome thoughts.  I often wonder how some people never seem to have a worry in the world.  Are they hiding their problems/worries?  Do they have everything under control?  Are they better at handling things than me?

Having Asperger's Syndrome makes things harder, ie: lack of people skills, people not being able to read my tones, difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings.  Tara is very understanding and has a great amount of patience with me.  Sometimes she probably has too much patience, but I am glad she does.  She doesn't harass me about not getting home projects done in a quick manner or if they aren't 100% perfect.  She gives me a little time to myself each afternoon to wind down from work since she knows how hard it can be on me sometimes.

If you have ever met me, you know that when I first meet you, I don't really talk much and when I do talk to you, I have a very hard time looking you in the eyes.  Once I know you better and feel more comfortable around you, I talk more, but still don't really look you in the eyes too much.  Alot of times, I often wonder if people put up with me and just wait for me to shut up so they can move on with their own business or day.  I don't want to be like the guy at work that no one likes talking too because he's a PITA (pain in the a$$).  I worry about this mostly at work and then with friends.  I tend not to worry so much about it with family.  I don't know if it's because I think they have to talk to me because "we're family" or some other reason.

At work, I worry if my boss or coworkers haven't talked to me in a while, that I have made them mad or they don't like me, even though I was on very good terms with them just the day before.  Besides my wife I have very few friends, which I can also somewhat attribute to Asperger's Syndrome.  I have some co-workers that I call very good friends, but I am not sure they feel the same.


I often deal with severe mood swings due to my feelings and things going on around me.  This is really hard on my family.  I don't like that it happens, but I haven't really found a way to successfully deal with them either.  I have tried different medicines, tried cutting out caffeine, tried psychologists, but none of it seems to help.



I understand that people don't understand me.  I understand that I do not understand all of their jokes and innuendos.  I just wish that sometimes I could be "normal" and not have to worry about some of these things.

To those who read this: "Thank you" and "Thank you for trying to understand".

I will try to post a lighter entry later this week, but I felt like I needed to post this.  It has been a rough couple of weeks for me and it was getting harder for me to deal with things.